A Worshipful Heart

Waiting expectantly for Phil to walk in the door so we can hit the interstate to NYC!

Take Time to Notice

Being in the busy city this week has made me feel, well, a bit invisible. This is not really tourist season, so everywhere I go people are rushing around in their business clothes, toting their briefcases, talking on their cell phones, obviously with somewhere important to go and someone important to talk. Probably they are on their way to make a huge government decision or to crash a party at the White House. *smile*

But in the midst of these successful, busy people scurrying around, I've been wandering around in my jeans, checking my metro map every so often, not always certain of my direction, taking my time and very rarely has anyone even made eye contact with me. It's a bit odd, to walk around in a crowd and to feel so terribly isolated. It's as if we're all together....yet all alone, all at the same time. I don't know if it's fear, self-absorption, or simply that we'd rather not be bothered.

But I had two moments yesterday that stand out in my mind.....

An older woman stopped me and asked me to help her. She had no idea how to buy a metro ticket, she didn't have a map, or really seem to know where she was going. In halting English she told me where she was trying to go. I explained that I was not from D.C. but I gave her a metro map I had in my purse, helped her purchase a ticket, explained how to get there and get back, and silently prayed she would be okay! It was probably the first conversation of any sort I'd had with anyone while out and about.

It felt good to take a moment, to slow down, and to notice another human being.

And then on my way back to the hotel, a young man stopped and held the door open for me, and it felt good to be the one that was noticed for a moment. Instead of being rushed, or pushed, or having someone be impatient with me, I had someone wait on me in a small way. It was nice. It brightened my day.

So brighten someone's day....slow down enough to stop and notice someone else. That's a gift!

I thought Bama would win....and here's why!

 
 I know what you're thinking. AFTER the game it's easy to say "I called that one!". And "Yeah, yeah, Jan, you're a huge Bama fan so of course you have to say that". And yes, I am very much a Tide fan - from birth. I watched the game yesterday with much screaming and jumping, and all sorts of other craziness. But it wasn't just blind adoration and family tradition that made me say I thought this was Bama's year. Here's why I thought Bama would win....and Florida would not.

1) Florida simply did not have the team they did last year. We played so many of the same teams and Florida never really looked to be decisively better in those contests. It was obvious to me that they weren't playing with the same talent as last year.

2) There was alot of pressure on this Florida team. You heard their players mention again and again how they were feeling the pressure. This wasn't a good kind of pressure, but an unrealistically high expectation that I felt sure they would crack under. Their press was better than their reality.

3) Same thing for Tebow. I think he's a great guy, a wonderful athlete, a quality person. But the press built him up to the point that ANY mistake was unacceptable. Listening to sportscasters you'd think he was a miracle worker of Biblical proportions. I actually felt sorry for him. I can't imagine how it would feel to be so highly touted - there was nowhere to go but down, even if it was just a little. Again, who can live up to the expectation of being perfect? No one that is human can do so. 

4) Alabama thrives as the underdog. When the whole world was picking Florida to win, I thought "Go ahead. It will just inspire our team more." Remember the National Championship Game in '92? The only sportscaster I remember picking Bama was Craig James and he was laughed at! Very few sports professionals chose Bama to win in this contest as well. Just like in the title game of '92 I think it inspired Bama to go out and give it more than their best. Add the terrible loss last year to the mix and I felt like Bama came into the game with nowhere to go but up. I believe - between two teams that are pretty equally talented - that it's an easier task emotionally and psychologically to upset than to defend. 

5) I believe Nick Saban is the smarter coach. I know this is just my opinion but I thought coaching would play a big part in this game. I think his team was better prepared. And Nick doesn't have a record of losing to someone twice in a row!!!

6) I also felt that Bama was not given the respect they deserved all season. They had a fairly tough schedule in a very tough conference. I felt like they were capable of a win if they kept their head in the game. We have some incredible players that just really brought it home in yesterday's game. I think they proved they were better than many people thought.

I know I don't have any stats for you, and much of what I thought was based on instinct and gut reactions, but I'm thrilled that I was right and we did get the win. An SEC Championship and trip to the National Championship Game is certainly sweet. And whether or not you pull for the Tide, you'll have to admit it was an unbelievable game, a great day in College Football. 

Come on Tide.....keep on Rollin'!

What Are You Listening To?

Keeping it light this morning! I am in the market for some new Christmas music and wondered if y'all could help me out. What Christmas music are you listening to right now? What's some of your favorite albums, old or new, secular or sacred, instrumental or vocal?

I'd love some fresh music this Christmas season!

An Evening of Worship - Come Join Us!

 
 I'm so excited that the Give Worship Project will be hosting it's 2nd Evening of Worship this week! I want to invite you to join us and spend time worshiping God together and then get to hear about the work of the Give Worship Project - past, present and future! I'll be sharing about my recent trip to the Dominican Republic as well as some exciting information about my upcoming trips to India and Rwanda.

DATE: Thursday, December 3rd at 7:00 pm

WHERE: NorthStar Church - 7425 Hway 72 W in Madison, Alabama

Here's a video to whet your appetite. You can watch this video and get a glimpse of the beautiful people of Rwanda!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

And if you'd like to host your own Evening of Worship to benefit the Give Worship Project, let me know!

Embrace the Gift of Limits

There was moment in my life, a moment of utter exhaustion, where I realized I was living as if I had no limits. I know you will laugh out loud, but a big truth I had to face as a minister - and as a human - is that I am limited. Even though I may desperately want to, I realized that I cannot solve every problem or take care of every person and situation. Like a bolt out of the blue, I came to the stunning realization that some things were simply outside of my realm, abilities, knowledge and control. I came to understand that I could not make other’s choices for them nor am I responsible for them. I realized others would make decisions that impacted me and that there was nothing I could do to control that. 

This was a big day for me. A huge realization. A day that turned my life around.

I had tried for so long to put out every fire, to solve every problem, to deal with every situation and take care of every person, to keep it all together that I had exhausted myself emotionally and physically – and I was now paying a huge price for it. 

This realization included my heartfelt admissions that:

 - I have physical limits and needs and I must honor them. My own body and health must become a priority for me.

 - I have emotional limits and needs and I must pay attention to them. I can no longer give and minister without regard for my own emotional needs.

 - I needed to set some boundaries. I could not always be available. The world would keep on going without me. My life was out of balance/perspective in some important ways – I had put work and ministry ahead of my family and my own health. This was a hard admission.

Quite simply put, bottom line: I had to admit that I am the created, not the Creator. 

I needed to humbly admit what we all know: I am not God. I am limited. At first this realization simply frustrated me because I wanted to fix it all. But over time I have come to find that the admission that I am limited is actually quite freeing! I now find my limits to be a gift that remind me of Who is really in charge and Who is really able to do all things. 

And – thank God – that is not me! 

Acknowledging our limits keeps us humble as well as rested – and free from unrealistic self-expectations and those ever prowling feelings of guilt.

How can you embrace the gift of limits in your life? How can you admit - with your lifestyle - that God can run this world without you? What steps do you need to take?

What I'm Thinking as I Visit Your Church

This is part one in a series of weekly posts I'll be doing as Phil and I look for a church. I hope all of you involved in church leadership will take the time to read because I think you can benefit from our insights as we take this awkward journey of figuring out what church God would have us now call home. Having spent the last fifteen years in vocational ministry, we haven't looked for a new church in a LONG time. Undoubtably, my perspective as a church seeker is quite different from the perspective I held as a "church professional", but I continue to view everything through the eyes of a leader. So I hope you'll learn from our insights and experiences as previous church leaders now longing for a home.....

We've only been visiting churches for a couple of weeks now but I already hate it. It's uncomfortable. It's stressful. And perhaps most of all, it's lonely. If you've been in vocational ministry for some time, or if you've called the same church home for many years, you may have forgotten - or never known - what it's like to walk in the doors of a church a total stranger. Many times we, as church leaders, are so in love with our church and have invested so totally in our congregations that we simply cannot understand the perspective of a first time guest.

Each Saturday night I go to bed with a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach. Even though I've enjoyed the services we've attended I find it hard to actually concentrate. My guess is many first time guests feel this way. I don't know what's going on and I spend a lot of my time observing. Even though I've led worship for over 20 years I still don't always know all the songs and I wonder if it's okay to express myself in worship. So I'm looking around, watching, waiting. It's harder to worship and almost impossible to relax. I feel like I am an observer instead of a true participant.

I'm wondering if I could possibly fit in here, I'm missing all my friends, and I feel invisible. No matter how many people greet me, I still feel like the invisible woman. Although I am acknowledged, I am not known. And isn't that the most significant part of any church experience? To do this spiritual life in community with others? Without any relationships -or a place of service - I feel useless, and my attendance feels a bit pointless. It's the oddest feeling to realize that my attendance to church matters to no one else but Phil and God. No one else cares if I'm there because they do not know me or need me. This is a strange - and sad - realization. 

If I've learned anything at all about church in the past few weeks it is this: sermons are great, worship is uplifting, but the real point of church is spiritual community - to learn, and to worship, yes, but to do so together with those we love. 

The truth that the greatest needs of any human are "to know and be known, to love and be loved, to celebrate and be celebrated" has never been clearer to me than at this time in my life when I feel the lack of a church home so deeply. I go to church on Sundays and I am NOT known, I am NOT truly loved and of course I am NOT celebrated. Nor can I really do these things for anyone else. I'm attending but I stand apart from the crowd, feeling very much like the outsider I am. I feel like I've dropped off the ends of the earth into an alternate universe. It's uncomfortable, awkward, and - many moments - very sad. And while there are sweet moments of worship, some laughter, and even truths learned, there is just something missing. It doesn't feel like home.

So pastors, fellow worship leaders, and anyone else who leads on Sunday mornings, be patient with us who are visiting your church fellowships each weekend. Forgive us if we don't sing or clap, or even if we don't look particularly joyful. We probably feel lost! We're still trying to figure it all out and we may be going through a major life transition - we may have just moved, or have experienced a deep grief, or be seeking God for the first time. We're nervous so please show us some grace! And don't be offended, it's not personal or a judgment on you or your church, it's just us. 

We're longing for home.....

How You Can Get Involved with the Give Worship Project.

Friends and Family,                   

God undoubtably moves in interesting ways! The last time I sent out an update I was employed at The Brook and had started the Give Worship Project as an additional ministry, something I planned to do in conjunction with my role as Worship Pastor. But God had bigger plans! For some time now I’ve felt God calling me to “go” and to work with church leaders around the world, particularly in the area of worship. As I led worship each week I became more and more uncomfortable. I wasn’t content. I knew God was calling me to more. 

This fall God made it clear that He was calling me away from The Brook to minister to the church worldwide. It was time to say good-bye to a job I loved - and felt comfortable in - in order to take a step of faith into the unknown. And so the next phase of the adventure begins!

Recently, I took my first trip to train leaders to the Dominican Republic. If you get my newsletter or if you've been reading my blog, you’ll get a glimpse of what I did there and how God moved. Now I have two more tremendous opportunities to travel to help equip pastors and church leaders, particularly in the area of worship. India and Rwanda will be the next stops for the GWP! There is a great move of the Spirit going on in both these lands and many are hungry to know Christ. 

I hope you will become involved with me! I need your help and support!

There are several ways to be involved:

1. Become a member of my prayer team. Just email me at janowen@knology.net to let me know if you’d like weekly or monthly updates.
2. Invite me to your church! I love to teach on worship and to share about my trips. I’d be happy to come share with your congregation or worship team or other group. I can teach on worship, or lead worship for a special event. I only ask that a love offering be received for the Give Worship Project to help fund the training workshops.
3. Give a financial gift. I rejoice that God has provided the money for my trip to India, but I still need $3500 to go to Rwanda. In particular, I need $2200 no later than December 12th. You can read the details about HOW TO GIVE directly below.
4. Come attend a Night of Worship on Thursday, December 3rd at 7:00 pm. We’ll be holding it at Northstar Church at 7425 Hway 72W here in Madison. You can hear all the great stories about my trip to the DR and I want to share some exciting details about my upcoming trips to India and Rwanda. And of course, we’ll have a time of worship together!

Your partnership and support mean so much to me. God is using each one of us to advance His Kingdom and to proclaim His glory. Thank you so much! 

How you can give!

I need your help! I can’t possibly do this without the support of friends and family. As God leads, would you consider giving a financial gift to help church leaders around the world?

You can give a financial gift one of two ways. All of your gifts are tax deductible. At this time, all gifts received go towards the training trips, resources for leaders, or help for the churches I am working with. 

Two Ways to Give:

1. You can send a check made out to: The Brook to  Jan Owen, 106 O'Riley Court, Madison, Alabama 35758. The Brook is helping us through Dec. 31st, 2009.

OR

1. You can give online to e3 Partners, the mission organization I am going to Rwanda with. Follow these steps and the money will go straight to my account:

• www.e3partners.org
• Click on “make a donation”. 
• Fill out personal information and mark that you’d like to “support a friend going on an e3 trip”.
• My trip code is: RW10A
• My name is entered as Linda Jan Owen.                             

Thank you so much! I thank God for your generosity. Because of your faithfulness, many are helped!

Welcome to My Home

John went ahead of me, skipping nimbly over the submerged tires, the floating trash, and knowing just which rickety pieces of wood would hold his weight. He turned around and held out his hand. 

Now it was my turn. I looked around me. Pigs were wading in the stream, garbage piled up and lazily drited by. People were watching me. And I was afraid. Not afraid of water mind you. But afraid of falling in this particular water. It stunk. It was putrid. As I looked down at it, a stench rose and made my eyes water. I looked at the "bridge", a rackety arrangement of old boards, half-submerged tires, and rocks I'd need to hop, skip and jump across to reach the community on the other side of the river. 

It was nasty. Easily the worst neighborhood I'd ever been in. From what I understand, it's controlled by drug gangs and is considered a pretty dangerous place. I was completely surrounded every step I took so I'd be safe. Garbage spilled down hillsides, smells of raw sewage filled the air. No one has clean - or even running - water. There is certainly no indoor plumbing. People cook over open fires in the middle of their tiny homes. Children play in the middle of garbage, barefooted and with runny noses. 

After we crossed the "bridge" we stopped into say hello to an old woman cooking her lunch over an open fire in the middle of her living quarters. A little boy ran up to me and smiled really big, wanting his photo taken. We talked a bit  - me in my broken Spanish and he chattering back at me ninety to nothing, apparently unaware I could understand hardly anything he said. But we played together for several minutes and he grabbed my hand and pulled me to meet his Poppi. 

His Poppi was a dignified older man, apparently happy to meet an American woman. We asked him if he knew Jesus and he shared that Christ was his "strength and hope". He asked me where I was from and how I happened to be in the DR. As we shared a bit about my trip, he told me how happy he was that I was visiting. 

Then he stepped back, spread his arms wide, and said something I will never forget. 

He said....

"Welcome to my home."

Taking it Easy

The last couple of weeks have been full. To say the least. Cleaning out my office. My first training trip. My last Sunday at The Brook. Saying so many tearful good-byes. My Dad's surgery for cancer. A wedding. A bad cold. These weeks have been full of emotion and a bit physically tiring as well. It's felt a bit like falling off a hundred foot cliff. Overwhelming is the word I'd use. Tears are always close to the surface, a sure sign that my reserves are very low. 

So I'm taking a bit of a break right now. I'm sitting around in my sweatpants and old ratty Alabama sweatshirt, watching movies and eating ice cream. I'm sleeping in and going to bed early. I'm taking hot baths and reading a good book. I'm skipping the makeup and I don't care. To be honest I've not accomplished much of anything the last couple of days. I just feel exhausted and I don't really have the desire yet to write, or to work on curriculum again, or to start raising my support for the Give Worship Project, Inc. I'm just tired, from the inside out, from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. I'm depleted. 

The adrenaline rush is over, and I'm left sitting here trying to recover. I know the day will come that I once again feel normal, but that day is not today. It may not be tomorrow. It might not even be next week. But it will come. For today life feels unreal and very alien. I'm not sure how to operate in this new phase of life.

So for now, I will rest. My body. My mind. Even my emotions. I'll take some time to take it easy. To watch a funny movie, to take a nap, to take a slow walk, to read a book, and to not think too awfully hard.

And slowly, over time, maybe I will feel like myself again. And I can adapt to this new reality that is now my life. And I can walk forward into all God has for me.

Change is hard. I can only put my hand in God's hand and trust Him as we walk together one step at a time.